GUEST POST: My Camino, by Ingrid van den Hoek

My Camino de Compostella

 Ingrid van den Hoek

July and September 2012

Camino Primitivo

Camino Finesterre

Camino Portuguese

Arriving in Santiago you queue at the Pilgrims office to receive the well deserved Compostella. 

3 Questions are asked.

Did you walk for 1. Religious  2. Spiritual or 3. Historical reasons?

My response? ‘All 3 and many more reasons.’

The official just smiled – probably heard this before. (Watch the movie ‘The Way’ and listen to the response of the 4 Peregrino’s at this same office – very interesting.)

Why did I go all the way to Spain and Portugal to walk 700 km?  It has been a dream for many years. I love the mountains, hiking, exploring new places and meeting people.  Having a limited budget, the Camino is an ideal way to spend a holiday. (our budget was €15 per day).

Yes, it becomes a spiritual and a religious journey, you can’t help being touched by what the Camino has to offer – walk in the footsteps of many other Pilgrims.  (Interesting articles on how the Camino de Compostella originated, can be found on the internet and worth reading before you start your walk.)

I walked with a friend from South Africa for 3 weeks – she was then 72 years old - covering 450 km. Starting in Oviedo and finishing in Muxia.

Why the Camino Primitivo and not the Camino France – a far more popular walk?

 We are both members of the mountain club, love mountainous and more remote areas and also wanted more of a challange– the Primitivo has all this to offer. The route is more up and down, but not that extreme. Anybody with reasonable fitness can attempt to walk this one.

www. Gronze.com gives you all the information you need including all the elevations of each stage.

The Albergues are much smaller and there is no rush to get from the one to the next. We even had some Albergues all to our self. This does not apply to the Albergues from Melide to Santiago. Here you meet the peregrino’s from the Camino Frances and some sleep up to 160 people. Then you walk like mad to get to albergue when it opens to claim a bed! If it is full, just walk another 15-20km to the next albergue!!!

What made me happy? Life was simple. You don’t worry about anything.  (unless you have blisters!). All you have to do is walk; follow yellow arrows; find food; admire the environment; chat to fellow walkers on route; see where you can find the cheapest vino rouge or beer and chill at the albergue. Here you will do some washing, attend to your feet, maybe explore the little village, take lots of pictures and go to bed early (with earplugs!)

There is no rush to leave in the morning – some do leave at the crack of dawn, but we took our time and still got to the next place in time.

It took us 2 weeks to get to Santiago – loved every step of the way.  We spend the weekend there (I don’t want to give away the ‘secret’ of Santiago - experience the gem yourself) and decided that this was not the end for us. We walked to Finesterre – another 100km’s.

Completely different terrain...more coastal and absolutely beautiful. Some days rather long, but you can find a private albergue if you feel you had enough. We did that once because of the heat and did not feel like another 12 km’s in the baking sun.

Finesterre – finish earth – end of the world, is the meaning of the word. 

It is a beautiful town and has a very special meaning for all the pilgrims. We walked to the light house and decided to have our picnic lunch down on the rocks. After a rather steep climb down, we could put our feet in the water and enjoy the peacefulness of the area. To think this is what the pilgrims did 1000 years ago!(they also burned their clothes and it was a real cleansing ritual.)

My friend and I felt that we did not want to end our Camino here...it just did not feel right. (don’t ask me why, but it did  not!)

Fortunately we had the time to walk another 30 km to Muxia, also a coastal town. This was the best decision we could have made. It offered everything we were looking for and more!

As in the movie ‘The Way’ we ended our Camino here.  ( I am pleased I only saw the movie after walking the Camino)

Muxia was The Grand Finale! Both of us very pleased as we received our 3^rd Compostella!

I can write a book on what I have experienced, but everybody has to make the Camino his/her own.  It was an emotional trip for me personally as I had to work through a lot of stuff that happened in my life at the time. I came home feeling strong/ready to tackle life again and the biggest thing you learn is to stop SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF....

So if you have 2 feet, a sense of adventure, needs to get away from it all....why wait?

Ingrid

Ps. I walked the Camino Portuguese in September – all on my own and loved every step of the way. (Up to a point!)

The route was probably easier than the Primitivo, but more tar and cobblestone roads and more pilgrims. The albergues were in bigger towns, busy and they got terribly full at night. I did not enjoy the masses that much, got a bit grumpy and decided in Ponteverda to make a U turn and walk/bus/train back to Porto.  The best decision I could have made! I had the most wonderful time exploring towns I skipped and this gave me the time to spend a weekend in the most amazing city...PORTO.

Barcelona

Earlier this year, I visited Barcelona for a few days. It turns out that I am not a fan of tourist spots. Who knew.

My top 5 things:

1. The beaches. Reminding me of Cape Town. Just don't buy a cocktail from the guy with the cooler box - the Americans next to us fell for that one!
2. Wandering along the back roads of La Rambla. So much to see and hear.
3. Tapas and Sangria at out of the way, vibey spots.
4. The very generous servings, whether it is a goldfish bowl of beer, or a tumbler full of whisky...
5. Street music. Around every corner. A constant party.

Goldfish bowl of beer

Walking on the beach at night

Health juice. Nah, who am I kidding? Best sangrias!

... and some tapas to help them down.

As close to a tourist spot as I got. The rows of buses sent me packing.

Weird architecture of a different sort. Fairground attraction.

This was a good sangria spot on the beach

Reminding me of Cape Town...

Spectacular

... and imaginative

Who thinks these up?

Almost too pretty to eat

... but plenty to go around....

.... and such variety!

Love and the live-in carer

Love and the live-in carer. Possible?

Where would we find the time, energy, inclination, for a relationship of any sort? Where would we even find a possible candidate? Yes, some carers are married, some have left their husbands back in South Africa, Spain, New Zealand, oh and there's a wife back in Cape Town bringing up the young son while her hubby cares for six months at a time here in the UK.

But for the rest of us, many of whom are doing this work to escape (or recover from) a life of relative difficulty back home, is there room for love? Are any of us even looking? Or are we just trying to get through each assignment unscathed, so that we can enjoy the short holiday at the end of the shift, rather than hiding in a hole trying to recover from another death/stroke/cancer victim's pain?

If a carer who yearns to travel craves spontaneity, adventure, new places, and is prepared to give up everything she knows to make these travels possible, surely, surely, she can see love as an adventure too? Face it head on? Grab a moment?

Allow me to tell you a story about love in the life of this live-in carer. Yes, we will call it love. Because suddenly life feels too short to be holding back. To be hiding behind barriers. To be playing it safe.

It is possible. And the difference is, it doesn't need to last forever; it can be a moment in time. Just long enough to remind me that there are good, decent men out there. And allow me to embrace the feeling of safety, of being cared for, of being valued and admired. Someone who can balance out the rollercoaster ride of palliative care, death, suffering, bereavement, picking up the pieces of a lost spouse left behind.

As for where, well how about a chance encounter at a coffee shop on a rainy day? It could happen anywhere. It's what we do with these connections that can change our lives. This time, it was a case of realising that as this lifestyle does not often allow for meeting new people, when there is an offer of a connection, we should take it.

Let's say that we will be separated by 5,500 miles for a full year after what adds up to, over a length of time, just ten nights together. Ten incredible nights, filled with music, fireworks, thunderstorms, talking as if we've known each other all our lives. A connection that neither of us has felt before. A "secret link that people spend a lifetime looking for" as he puts it. Isn't that worth the lowering of the barriers, the risk of hurt, the pain of a goodbye?

Or would it have been better for us both to walk away that first day?

I am hoping that it was worth it. We say goodbye tomorrow. For the last time. Although we plan to stay in touch. And we have a date set for twelve months time.

I am dreading the goodbye, but am so grateful for the time we've had. He has changed my life. Reminded me of who I was before I picked up this anonymous label of "carer". Makes me want to rekindle the person who has been lost and buried during this past year. He has inspired in me the simple (forgotten) art of shopping for pretty clothes and shoes, and I now have the urge to wear them rather than the sensible shapeless practical outfits that get packed and unpacked from the suitcase week after week, month after month. I want to be the real me again. He's helped me to find her.

Says I've made him a better man. That he admires me, I'm his hero. Wouldn't any of us find that flattering?

We will never forget each other. And maybe "love" is too strong a word. Whatever label we put on it, it's been good.

Love or not, whether I miss him hopelessly or not, there is always another holiday to look forward to. More adventures to be had. And one thing I've learnt during this journey? I am no longer frightened of falling in love. However, I may be looking for an alternative line of work.

Your experiences:
What stories do you have on finding love and friends as a live in carer?

Do you find yourself letting yourself go? Not putting as much effort into your appearance as you did in your old life? Do you still wear makeup, even if the only person you will see all day is a 90 year old nearly blind lady? Are you eating and exercising properly?

How do you keep a hold of the person you once were?

I'd love to hear your experiences and share them here.

 I think this is leading to a whole new story....

It's the small things

On the one hand, you'll find that live-in carers are strong, independent women.

We are survivors.

We do what it takes to make our lives work for us.







On the other hand, hell it would be good to have a bit of spoiling. Some self-indulgence.

5 things I do to perk up my day:

1. Read for half an hour on a bench under a tree
2. Have a real conversation with a good friend, a son, or my Mum
3. Go for a walk (or some retail therapy if it is raining)
4. Put on make up if the boiler/alarm/ANY service is due (don't judge me, any visitor to the house is worth the effort!)
5. Take lots of deep breaths and remind myself that I am doing this for a reason, and nothing is forever.

What do YOU do to make your day just that little bit better?

Carer's survival kit

Good for those days when it all just feels so... so.... well not very good.

Chocolate treat for wellbeing

Allsorts for variety

Health bars to make up for the wellbeing and variety

Headphones for surreptitious listening to music while nobody is looking....

What is your favourite treat?

GUEST POST: Lorraine

Dear Margi,

I went on the Care to Travel Facebook page and noticed your blog. Started to read it and felt most depressed.

I hear your sentiments, understand your frustrations...... Because your voice is my voice.

Selling your house - that was letting go of the one thing you had that belonged to you, a foundation, a root, like a plant; once you pull it out it dies and that is how I feel, dead.

I sympathise, I understand the loneliness. I respect the vulnerable side of the elderly, but does that mean I must die inside to give further life.

The more I think on this the more I realise it's not the job, it's living their life, it's giving of yourself and losing who you are. Where we give hope and enlightenment, we lose who we were once upon a time.

My self identity seems to have got lost in transit

It's finding that happy medium

It's making sure that our lives do not sail away, where one day we awake to find we need a Carer, so in actual fact our life just carries on from where it left off... With a client

In life we have got to learn we were all put on this earth for a reason. We all have a certain time given to us. They have had their time, do we have to throw away ours?

That is how I am starting to look at what I am doing , and right at this moment, I do not believe this was the life carved out for me!

We all need a foundation, we all need roots, we all need to embrace life, and not death that will come one day and maybe sooner than we expect.

Care life can be rewarding but we must not become a prisoner of our own emotions.

Thank you to Lorraine for this response to my "Independent and free, or homeless" post. It does help to know that we all have our ups and downs and doubts about our current way of life.

Independent and free, or homeless?

Sometimes, I really miss having a home. Is that a common thing for live in carers? I will be meeting up with some colleagues next week so will ask the question!                                                                                                                        I thought I was going to be free, having fun, the eternal traveller, but it sometimes seems that all I am doing is trying earn enough to take short vacations, and I never make it home. I sold my house back in Cape Town last month. It has just hit me. The finality of it. The place I raised my children, where most of my memories were made.                                                                                                                                So the obvious solution would be to make some more memories. Starting on Wednesday... with two weeks off to play....